Well, it seems that I've entered some sort of foggy cloud that's interfering with the writing of the actual paper for the RMPTC coming up. Truthfully, it surrounds all of my writings. It seems that I've encountered a mid-semester case of writer's block--the really black kind, the kind that looms over most of my days, thoughts, and dreams. It waits to rain, though, until I'm approaching some sort of deadline, and then all my fears, frustration, and doubt flood my thoughts. I'm left wet, angry, and still without the words that I need to complete the writing that I have to do.
I sound entirely ridiculous here, but that's only because I feel entirely ridiculous! What the heck's wrong with me? I've encountered this sort of thing before, and I'm sure that many of you have, too. What's different about this one, and this time, for me, is that the cloud won't go away. I can't seem to write my way out of it. I've tried everything. And, although the sun breaks through it once in a while--as it seems to be doing, here--the cloud's still around, grumbling and threatening another down-pour.
This RMPTC thing's really freaking me out. Because I sensed the black presence approaching, I attempted to begin the actual paper weeks ago. Needless to say, it didn't, and hasn't, since progressed. All I have at this point in time is the barest, of the barest sketch; I have the original proposal and some scattered notes...period. I also promised my writing group, in my Senior Seminar class, that I'd have a full draft to workshop with them this coming Thursday. I made that promise because I thought that by setting an early deadline, I'd leave myself plenty of editing time, and I'd get to have it read and considered by my group members. Oh boy, do I wish, now, that I'd never made that promise. My own, self-set deadline is hovering over the next three days.
I suppose that my only hope of escaping this cloud lies inside the group that I'll be working with for our RMPTC panel presentation. This is separate from my individual presentation. I'm excited about it. Oddly enough, am not worried about my ability to participate. I've never done a panel before, and I've spoken with most of the people that I'll be working with--Sara, Sarah, and Sam--and they, too, have never participated in one. They seem really excited about it, and that puts me at ease about the whole thing. Maybe the smoggish mess that surrounds me will dissipate in their warm optimism.
We meet to discuss the panel on Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I just need to participate in honest, critical conversation with nice, genuine people. My current schedule has placed me into a solitary state. Maybe sheer lack of communication contributed to the blackness. I can only hope insightful conversation will be its undoing.
Well, I'd better get back to attempting to write my proposal. Maybe I can at least fatten up the sketch a bit. Thanks for reading this rambling, nonsense post. If any of you have any suggestions on how to get through this, or have any issues with your own presentations, I'd love to hear about them. Maybe we could help one another out?