From Confident to Discontented
Walking from my prior class to the writing center, I felt feelings of excitement and anxiety, though it was a "good anxiety." Even when I sat down at one of the tables awaiting my first appointment I felt a "good anxiety." It was nearly immediately after sitting down to wait for my first appointment that a "walk in" student strode through the door of the center and somehow I knew she was going to be assigned to me. Sure enough, briefly afterward, I heard my name called to assist this student. At this point, that feeling of "good anxiety" that I mentioned earlier flipped into a frenzy of fright and anxiety that could be titled anything but "good." Suddenly all the notes I had made, all of the sessions I had observed, all of the reading I had done about tutoring swirled in a blank vortex down some type of mental rabbit hole, sort of like a toilet flushing. I sat down (probably teeth chattering and knees knocking) as all that confidence I had developed from note-making and observing withered from my consciousness. I simply made actions that would've come naturally had I not done any observations or reading at all, asking her about the assignment, beginning to read it, asking why she wrote the things she did in her chosen manner. Finally, I found myself in a cloud of calm content as the fundamentals I had learned and noted began finding me again.
The rest of the session went smoothly, though I still wonder if the student could sense my uneasiness in the early stages of the session. In the end, I am confident that I helped her fine-tune her piece by suggesting she add a conclusion, elaborate on a couple of bare two to three sentence paragraphs, and adding more information to support her main ideas. After loss of my writing tutor virginity, I believe I will be much more comfortable continuing my services in the writing center for the weeks to come.