Returning to Something Familiar
Perhaps I am so excited about it because it's almost like returning to something familiar, only to discover that your perspective's a bit different. I stopped by the center a few times last week--to fill out paperwork, etc--and, to my surprise, it felt a bit like the first time that I saw my childhood bedroom after moving away from home. No, the center didn't look significantly smaller, at least not the front area, but it all felt really different. I took me a few hours to fully realize WHAT seemed so "off" to me, but I think that I might be able to articulate "it," now.
When I first began consulting, I had no idea what was ahead of me; I had no draft of myself, as a consultant, to--well, consult in times of confusion. I felt lost, overwhelmed at first, and the experiences that I did have to reference were not my own. We spent the first month, or so, of our tutoring class reading about other's experiences and theories--that was all that most of us had to lean upon when entering consultations and attempting to establish our own consultant personas. Often I found myself wishing I could be more carefree like Bouquet, or more writer-conscious like Sherwood. The further I got into the semester, and the more writers that I talked with, the more I was forced to move away from those experiences and theories of others--I was forced to begin forming my consultant-self from within.
I began looking at myself, at my actions, and at my writings critically in order to figure out how I operate as a consultant. Although it was difficult at first, I found that looking at myself in this way was beneficial and exciting. I began to form my own experiences and my own theories--and these eventually lead to the first writing portfolio that I was TRULY proud of. In other words, I feel as if I grew not only as a consultant but also as a writer over that last semester.
Perhaps what I'm trying to illustrate is that when I reentered the writing center last week, I was looking at it through the eyes of a consultant---perhaps for my first time, ever. I feel excited because I have MY experiences, and MY theories in which I, now, feel totally capable of applying to my sessions--and to my personal writings, too. I feel energized, I suppose, at the thought of actually being myself while doing something that I do really enjoy. Although I still do have a long way to go on my quest to figure this whole consultant-thing out, at least I've gained the knowledge, and the courage, needed to pursue it...
Am I alone on all this?